Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in tke226's LiveJournal:

Monday, February 7th, 2005
4:03 am	Best Superbowl Ad Ever!! (only it actually happened) Getting someone to cover your shift at work so you can throw a superbowl party. -$30 Cost of food and beer for superbowl party. -$60 Big screen tv with HDTV to watch superbowl. -$1800 Getting trashed with your friends only to call an escort service latter to celebrate your friends birthday by getting a stripper and paying $190 to have her sit in your house for five minutes and walk out the door, only to have your best friend Greg then call 911 and try to explain that a stripper from a company called campus cuties stole your 190 dollars. -Priceless For everthing else, theres mastercard. (and if we had one at the time, the 190 would at least have been due a month from now) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
4:24 am	Another night worth proving a point It's amazing the resources you can find when your car/ride leaves you (or you give it away to people that can't manage to find there own ride when they tell the one they had to leave), and you can still manage to make it back home and not end up at royal lex. Hummmm..... can't imagine that concept actually working, but hey it does. (Comment on this)
Friday, November 12th, 2004
3:30 am	The Price of Betrayal..... At least Judas got 30 pieces of silver for betraying his friend. Hope it was worth it. And yes I'm talking about you, if you hadn't figured it out yet. That's why our "friendship" has come to what it is. (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 12th, 2004
4:24 am	lost in space What is goodbye really? Tonight I had to say goodbye to a person i would consider to be a damn good friend, and not only that, a big brother i never really had. I hate to see one more part of my life slip away, like so many other things have. I've had a good weekend so far, wish I could have been at the party longer last night, but decided Kitties was more fun. Only to finally show up and find my buddy all fucked out of his mind. No problem thought, always be there for my bro. It was still good times. Yet, I still manage to come home everynight and wonder what the fuck my life is all about. Oh well, who am I, just another guy that blindly walks though life, hoping to find meaning. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 3rd, 2004
3:55 am	I'll never feel at peace I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "I Love You." But i'll probably never get that chance and somehow i realize this is my life, yet it kills me so much. I am so much in love with a girl that will probably never realize it and it will all be my fault. I HATE LIFE. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 13th, 2004
3:25 am	just another night my life is filled with fake people... thoose that aspire to be. thoose that once were, and thoose that will never be. and it beggs the question "who am I." I feel as though I'm not fake, but I'm sure in many ways I am. Life continue's to grow into an every greater allusion that becomes more and more difficult to define what is realty and what is just a bunch of bullshit. And the people in my life do nothing to help make this more clear. In fact it's thoose people that make it more extremely problemactic. "You think you know, but you have know idea." This is how the vast majority of the people I call friends conduct they're lives. If your going to go through life and "fake it" by going through the motions, what the fuck is the point of even living. I didn't witness such hardship in my life to not realize that every fucking day is a blessing. You all might look at me and lable me as someone who parties and drinks to much or "whatever," but damn it I know that I get all I can out of every single day. And with every day I try to be as real as I possibly can. I don't fake anything in life. What you see is what you get. So don't stand on the side line wishing you could get in the game. Fucking do something about it and stop wondering "what if." Because "what if" is never going to happen, and it will never be what you wish it was, were, could have fucking been. Life deals you a hand day by day, and it's up to you what you do with it. So stop folding the fucking hand and take a risk, be the person that you know you are and stop faking it. It just really sucks to realize that when it all comes down to it, all you really have is yourself, and you can't help yourself find the awnsers all the time. Fuck it, I'm out (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
3:51 am	My thoughts on the subject Okay so here’s the deal. Live journal… in my opinion (which by the way means about nothing) is a bull shit median for communication. People post shit on this thing for others to read. PERIOD. It’s a good way to express feelings, but at the same time remains a “cop out” to express feelings towards not only yourself, but others. It’s an easy way to hide behind the comfort of a computer screen in the sanctuary of your own home. It’s really a bunch of shit if you want to know the truth. And believe me, take 30 seconds to examine your own posts and feelings when you do so, and be honest with yourself and admit that you post on here for the purpose of others to view, even more than the purpose of self-gratification. If you want to keep a journal to express feelings or let shit out, write it down in a fucking journal. Not on the damn internet for everyone to see. I know this to be true, because I myself do the exact same. So for anyone of you who was going to call me out on that, thanks… but fuck you, I’ll call myself out first. There are only a few things in life that really piss me off. One being close-mindedness. The other being, having my words taken out of the context in which they were presented. Then misrepresented when they should have never been repeated in the first place. Yes drama is a bitch and the internet is a stupid fucking place to start it, continue it, whatever. Don’t be a coward and hide behind a median to express feeling. Call somebody. Meet up with somebody. Bottom line, do shit face to face, over the phone, at least have the courtesy to let them hear it in your own voice. I apologize for the abrasiveness of this post, but this is several days running, and several different situations with different people that I have been called out for shit that is not even my problem. But I’ll be damned if I will ever back down from unjust misrepresentation of myself or others. And I promise that you’ll get more than you bargained for if you ever fuck with me or my friends without “just cause.” With that said I personally need to clear myself of any discrepancies that may cause any further bullshit on something this petty. I, Shane Miller posted the anonymous post on Julies Live Journal. I did it that way for the soul purpose of not causing any shit or getting any bull shit response back from it. She was the only person that should have understand what that meant. But since people feel so inclined to make judgments that they know basically nothing about, I’ll go ahead and let you know that it was me. As to what that pertained too, its nobodies fucking business. I should have never had to have made that response in the first place. But when the only median of communication is this, so be it. As far as the relationship that I hold with both Greg and Julie, I dare anyone to put into question. Especially Greg. People may be pissed off by this post, but frankly I don’t care. I’ve had this shit thrown into my face to many times recently. And since this seems to be the best way to address “everybody” I choose to use this to express my feelings. To those that may be upset by this I do apologize. Take this for what it’s worth and nothing else. This is the last I will ever speak to anyone about this topic. Peace I’m out (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
4:10 am	never been so alone... and I've.. never been so alive love my new place. i went back to 608 today to clean shit up, and realized that 608 was by far the worst place that i could have ever lived. It's only my hope that that is the lowest point in my life that i could ever concive of. Yes, I had good times there. There were some good parties that will forever be apart of my life. But once again I really do love my new place. I actually feel comfortable to invite people over to my place and not feel ashamed of how badly it looks. 608 really was a piece and I'm glad to be rid of it. With that said yet here I am again home by myself. Another night gone by that I further realize that I'm not what girls are looking for. Another justification in my life to prove that I'm by far not as attractive as I wish I were. I play a good role as acting as if I'm a cool, good looking guy. But it obiviously is very transparent and see-through. For a girl that I had been talking to for a bit to blow me off so quickly tonight to talk with some "college" looking kat than fuck it. I guess I'll never been as good looking and great personality as I wish I was. When I can so easily be pushed aside for some college looking bastard with the "popped" collar, fuck it. I wish I was as good looking as somebody like Greg. I wish I had everything he does with the personality that I do. But hey... learning to be second best in life is what I'm great at. It's my role, and I'm slowly learning to accept it. Live fast, die young... and leave a good looking corpse. peace I'm out (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
5:44 am	Kinda funny... I’ll make this brief.. I honestly was just checkin up on how people have been doing. But as I was reading I turned on the ITunes (actually greg’s ITunes) and I put on Blink182. Once again I’m constantly amazed at how easily music can place me at a specific point in my life. And honest whatever I was feeling at that point in life can be drug to the surface. Almost put me back in that exact moment. When I listen to music from high school I get this overwhelming sense of “pure” happiness and enjoyment. Where the biggest thing I had to worry about was the fact that I’m sitting outside the mall waiting for Greg to get off work and we’re late to go bowling. Everything feels as if it’s just a bit easier. I can place every piece of music that ever mattered to me in to a specific point in life. Call it “High Fidelity-esk” but it makes me the person I am, and it really does constantly amaze me. What also blows me away is the shit that I so easy chalked up to being trivial music… aka Blink182. Yet now the music means so much, and gives so much meaning and emotion to the things that I’m feeling currently in life. It’s the simple shit that seams to mean so much. I guess this can be said for anything, but things that I once blew off are so much more meaningful now. My only other comment will be this. I wish that live journal could be as useful to me as it is to some. I wish that my words and thoughts that I arbitrarily write could be as meaningful as others. Someone close to me recently wrote some of the most profound things I had every reed. It affected me almost as deeply as Robert Frost type shit does. I mean I’m talkin’ “Passing by the woods on a snowy eve” kind of shit. I guess I’m just better at talking, I just wish I could write as well as I can talk, or at least make it as meaningful. But this person knows that I’m talking about them and once again I will say that is the most thought out, well put together, post I will ever read on this shit. You make me wish I could express myself in ways other than simply talking. Have a kick ass day folks… I’m goin’ to bed. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 15th, 2004
5:21 am	Fuck it dude... let's go bowling So here you go, long time no see… or write since that is the case. I’m back for the hell of it because I’m bored at home. No surprise there. That has basically been the sum of this summer. The elusive last summer ever, considering I will graduate this year making this technically my last summer. But honestly it has been a few shots less than par. It’s been one of those type of deals where “the grass is always greener” type of shit. The first six weeks I was stuck in summer school. That sucked. And what sucks even more than that, is when I had to go to school ever day there was always shit going on every night. So I get sick of it and decide I’m not going to go to school all summer and drop my second session class. That and the fact that I was losing my fucking mind. So now I have my summer back and there is not a damn thing going on at all. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!!! Where the hell is everybody, and better yet why are you not enjoying the fucking summer. Man last summer was a blast, and the beginning of this one only promised to be great. This only leads to believe what I have already decided about my life. A day late and a buck short. It’s like I am always one step behind. Showed up at the party only to find that the keg had just been tapped. What a bitch ya know. Not to mention I feel like I’ve fucked various things up with various people. Manly girls that I have or haven’t tried to make things happen with. Depends on who you talk too. I’m honestly just at a loss because I feel like I may have missed out on something that could have been a really good thing. Only I passed it up because, basically I’m an asshole.. I guess. At least this is what I’ve been told, and honestly I guess it’s probably true. What sucks is that somehow through it all I have found that I really cared about the girl. I tried to be honest, tried to be the good guy that I know I am. Yet only to get burned, once again, in the end. For whatever reason I have seem to have a serious problem letting myself get close to anyone. Only to learn that in the end the girl that I cared about and still do so easily moved on. The girl cared about me a lot, I know she did. Yet as much as she said she cared she couldn’t give me the time I asked for to let shit happen naturally instead of being rushed. So she immediately took the next asshole in line that was ready to take my place. To tell her the lies that she wants to her. The lies that I wasn’t willing to tell because I’m old enough to not play some fucked game. Oh well enough bullshit for the evening, there’s already been enough of that for me to last a while. So if your interested I’m always out trying to have a good time, call me if you so desire. And on that note, tell everyone you know… Blow out bash at 608 at the end of this month. It’s the CHRISTMAS IN JULY PARTY on the 25th of this month. Details to come, but plan on coming. Ken is dressing up as Santa, this only grantee’s fun for all. Also I’m working on getting Greg to be a reindeer. Other than that, peace I’m out. -Fuck it dude, let’s going bowling. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
1:24 am	The road ahead...... So as I sit here, actually being very tired and for once going to go to bed at what I would consider a decent hour, I can't help but think of the road ahead. I'm getting ready to start the new semester, and I can't stop wishing that it would never come. It's only one day away... one last day of freedom. Well not actually, since I have to work tommorrow. I wish I could have worked tonight instead. You know, give me that day to be relaxed before I have to go on with "the rest of my life." As bad as it sounds, I really wish I could just sit and do nothing. Honestly, when I don't have to work I am extremely bored with my time. I feel like I have nothing to do. But, if I had nothing to do, I really feel like I could find meaningful things to occupy my time. For those of you that have seen the movie About A Boy, I wish that could be my life. I wish that I had enough money to satisfy the lifestyle that I so choose, and then do nothing with it. Well, actually I think I would probably play golf everyday. As I sit here, a reoccuring question keeps going through my mind. It's one of thoose questions like "which came first the chicken or the egg?" type questions. I'm trying to figure out if I cause my life to be so difficult or does life keep presenting me with difficult situations. And honestly it could very well be both. Oh well, what dosen't kill us only makes us stronger. Right? I hope someday, someone will explain that to me a little better than I already understand it. Well, I think I'll end this before I say anything more that sounds really stupid. Thank you all for the great break. It was very enjoyable, I only wish it could have lasted longer. Hope you all have a good semester, I know I'll try. "If you will it dude,... there is no dream" (The Big Lebowski) - V. I. Lennon. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
3:11 am	She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly Now all you Ben Folds critics, don't get pissed by the title. I know what the song means... but this is how I feel. The song can mean more than just what it does. So in short here is the night if review. Me and Ken decided to go and nock on doors from the past. We went back to Bullfrogs (Todd's) tonight. It was fun, but it wasn't the same as the past. It's things like tonight remind you can never go back. I still had fun mind you, but I miss the way it used to be. The old crowd wasn't really there except for Ed. Oh well, thanks for the good time Ken. Yet the whole time, I spent in the back of my mind thinking about someoneeles. Some other place I wish I could be. The whole time I just wished "the girl" could be with me. I have spent the past two days thinking about her. I had a good conversation with Julie last night about it. She gave me some good advice, it's acting on it that's the problem. Emotionally I have totally lost it with this girl. I love spending time with her. It's great. She's great. She came up to work the other day and we were sitting outside talking and she made the comment that she looked horrible, and the whole time I couldn't help but think how great she looked. Even at what she cosiders to be her worst, I think she lookes amazing. I don't know what to do at this point. I talked to her over the break, and things seamed to be good. Yet, nothing has really become of it. Now after telling her that I would leave it up to her to do in her own time, I feel bad saying anything more to her about it. I don't want to seem desperate, or weak. I just wish it could go somewhere. Have you ever seen the movie What Women Want. I wish for one moment in time I could her what she wants, what she's thinking. But I have no clue. She wont say, and futher more won't even give off any kind of clear sign as to what she does want. I spent New Year's with her. We were all by ourselve's. Granted she was sick, and I'll give her that. But I thought on that night alone, with all that night is supposed to mean I would at least get a kiss. It was supposed to be that movie moment where all the stars where aligned. But it didn't turn out that way. When she left that night a couple hours later I so wanted to have that last chance. As gay as it sounds, I wanted to grab her arm as she walked away and say can we back up two hours ago and just kiss her. I couldn't even manage to do that. I have no idea what to do at this point. I wish so badly things could just work out some how. I can't even work up the courage to ask her on a date now, because I think that might sound like I'm over stepping the bounds that I set. This girl is the best thing that anybody could ask for. Or at least to me she is. She is so much fun, and I have the best time with her. And I feel like she has a good time with me as well. I really feel like we hit it off very well. I think that the relationship that we have is more than just friends. There really is something there, or at least, I feel like there is. I just wish she could realize within herself that there is too. I know she is holding back for whatever reason, and I don't know what to do to change that. I've tried to be the best guy I possibly can. I've tried to do everything I can to make her see what a great guy I am. And I have no idea if she even see's that. I'm sure she does, but I can't really get anything back in response to it. I really do feel like I'm drowning slowly. I haven't talked to her in two days. I called her yesterday and left her a message, but she didn't call back. I didn't even call her today, thinking she might call me. She didn't. So I don't know what to think or feel. I'm at a loss. I know I told her I was in no hurry and I'm not. I just wish that something more than could happen. Honestly I blame myself. Had I not be a dumbass and broken up with Lindsay forever ago like I wanted too, I might be with her today. Yet somehow I get the feeling like I waiting just a little too long to do something about it. But when you look at it.. it really was just a moment ago. But it's a moment that I can't seem to get back. When we first started really hanging out things where great. There really was potential for something to happen, and it feels like I spend everyday trying to get that moment in time back. I don't want to give up, but it's hard to keep going without knowing anything. I don't even know if she realize's any of this. I wish she could read all of this. These are my inner thoughts. But I'm not going to say "hey read my live journal." I wish one of you could tell her to read it. She knows I have it, but I never told her what my user name was. Well I'll let you guys go on with your lives now. These are just my thoughts at the moment. Well they are my thoughts alot of the time this is just the first time I have actually been able to write them down. If you have ever heard the song I Still Miss Someone by Johny Cash that is how I currently feel. If not then I suggest you do, it's a good song and he's a good artist. Thanks for listening/reading. Goodnight (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 5th, 2004
5:19 am	Life's a journey... not a destination! This is one of my favorite quotes from a song... and also a very great song I might add. Yet, as true as I find this quote to be, it's hard to look at life in this perspective at times. Life is a journey. Yet, it seams like with every goal you set you give yourself a destination. But since none of my goals have really been achieved I guess every attempt is that journey. While I'm in the quoting mood, another of my favorite "life" quotes is.... Life is what happens while your busy making other plans. John Lennon said that one. Don't really have any major comments on that quote but it seems to make alot of sense. You decide. So the year has been good thus far. I guess. What I do know is that I've had to work too damn much so far. But, I had a great time at the bash last night. I'm glad everyone had a great time, I know I did. Hell Matt was even drinking, and he had more than one. There where what I would consider to be a fair amount of people here last night. Yet the party never really got out of control. No cops came at least. So thank you all for a good night, hope you'll come back again real soon. Don't really have too much more to say, other than it's really late which is causing me writers block. So till we talk again. Goodnight (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 2nd, 2004
7:16 pm	Motel 6..08... We'll leave the light on for ya. WHAT? Well this is not exactly at all what I was going to post, but typically I read my friends posts to possibly draw inspiration from. Well, thats exactly what I got. So since were all in this fun little "blog ring" I'm sure you saw Julies post from today. I'm not mad at her, lifes to short to be mad about stupid shit. Am I frustrated? Yes. This is a popular misconception people have about me. That I'm pissed off all the time. This is not true. I actually am a very happy person 95% of the time. I act like I'm mad or I might might have a condescending attitude, but I do it for a laugh. Which most the time works very well, just ask Ken. Anyway, I'm getting off track. I'm not mad at her for posting that, I could care less. I think she's wrong, but hey that's her assumption of what happened without talking to me first. (Go with you first thought, it's usually the right one.) About this supposed lack of respect. I honestly don't remember saying anything that would merit a lack of respect. I have more respect for other people than most people I know. Julie is a good friend of mine, and I have alot of respect for her. I have alot of respect for everybody. That's probably part of my problem, I have too much respect for other people and put them before I do myself sometimes. I respect my roommates and there guests/whatever. Honestly I had no fucking clue Julie was asleep until Greg said something. Julie has come and gone so much in the past week I don't know when she's here or not and I forgot she had come back honestly. Let alone, did I know she had to work in the morning. I wouldn't have been acting like an idiot had I known that. But hey new shit has come to light.. man. Further more, I really don't remember what I said to Greg, and more than likely he misinterpreted what I said in the first place. So, my bad for being an asshole. But hey, lesson to all of you, when you live with 10 people or whatever the given count of the day is up too, some shit is probably going to happen. That's what I love about this place. People just drop in for a while, hang out/live, whatever. It really does feel like fucking Motel 6 sometimes. But it's college so "hey, deal with it." Or at least this is what seams to deem it as being ok. Yet I'm the one that's paying the bills at the end of the month. So yes (if this sounds bad oh well), if I feel like doing something I should have the liberty to do so. It's kinda like having an jam/song writing session at 3:00 a.m. in the living room with amps that are meant to be heard in Rupp Arena. I didn't give a damn about that ether, other than that's where the tv is but, so what they pay rent too, so they can do what they feel and I'm not going to say shit about. I didn't care that Julie lived here. She was put into a real shitty situation and I don't blame her for not wanting to live there. As her friend I didn't want her to live there ether. She has always been more than welcome here, and I was glad that she was around. She also did shit around the house, which is more than I can say for some of the people that live here. That, I thank her for. I'm not mad at you Julie. I'm sorry for being loud, it honestly was a mistake. But if you still want to talk, you know where to find me. And for the rest of you, stop on by... We'll leave the light on. Or at least some drunk will. Peace, I'm out (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
6:44 am	A small apology Sorry my posts are so long... they arent't meant to be we I first start, but some how they end up that way. I just have alot to say I guess. And Matt your right, this is a good way to get things out. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
5:39 am	The Best and Worst Decision of my Life.... FYI.. this a serious post if you care to read. UK has honestly been the best and worst decision of my life. It's kinda like mixing the sweet with the sour if you will. Don't get me wrong I have enjoyed every single experience I have had here at UK. But with every great experience I have had, it has cost me in return. MOst of you that know me well, know that I live basically day to day. I don't look to far into the future and I don't dwell on the things of the past. But, for reasons that I can't hardly explain today I decided to change my entire life by coming to UK. I had everything going for me at Nothern. My life was set, academically and socially. My teachers knew who I was on a first name basis. I was popular among the high-up administration within the University, the damn President of the university knew me by my first name. Socially I couldn't do wrong. I had a great time, I was VIP anywhere I went. I never stood in line at any club. It was straight in the door and right to the VIP area. This waw all great and good some of you would love to have that kind of treatment. But I got tired of it, it no longer was doing anything for me. I stoped going to clubs and hanging out with "the best of the best." I had alot of great friends at Nothern, and like I said I had everything going for me. Yet somehow that wasn't good enough. And honestly there was nothing left that, that life could have offered me. So I saw the chance to change my life for the last time before I "grew up." So I decided to come to UK. It was where I really should have been all along. More than likely, I would have been a FIJI instead of being a TEKE. I wouldn't trade the experience, but this is probably what my life would/could have been. So I saw one last chance to make it that, and took it. What more could I ask, I live with my two best friends of all time. They are my "heterosexual life partners" (that's a joke by the way, that maupin and greg will laugh at.) We are not gay so don't think anything of it. So back to being serious, they are my two best friends and I had always wanted to live with them. Well I got that wish. I also got the chance to attend a wonderful university. UK is college my friend. I, more or less, went from high school to high school when I went to Northern. I missed out ont the "real college" experience. So I decided to take the one last chance. Uk has been great, but it has fucked me really bad at the same time. I went from being a senior, back to a junior, and now back to a senior again. I made my decision so late, that I got really shitty classes this past semester. Classes that I didn't care about, that didn't do a damn thing for me except screw me. Now this is all my fault, I do realize this. But I didn't get the grades that I needed to get in the college of communication. So basically I screwed myself really badly. Oh well, somehow I'll figure it out. I was cleaning my room eairlier. I have had a box sitting in my room, it's been there since I moved in. I haven't unpacked it, not for any reason really, just that I didn't have the room for it. I didn't even remember what was in it till i opened it tonight. It's full of pictures from the past and awards that I got while at Nothern. It was at that moment that I realized two things. The first being that I have moved on in life and I'm ok with it. The second being that somethings in life are just sapossed to be left in a box. When you have gone through certain things in life, it's ok to look back at them put away in a box, but they are in that box for a reason. It's not like your going to take them back out and hang them up on the wall as a reminder of what once was. Basically, I'm very happy in the decision that I have made. Thank you all for making my experienc here at Uk one of the best things that have happened to me. I love being here. I love living with my two best friends, and having my sister live in the same city as me that I get to see on a daily basis. It's like having my family back once again. Or at least the closest thing to family that matters the most to me. I go could go on forever about each one of you that make a difference in my life. But just know that each one of you in your own special way make my life that much more enriched. (And you all think I'm just an alcoholic that is lucky to know my own name at the end of the night.) I love you all, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You mean more than you'll ever know. (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 28th, 2003
6:31 am	It's really late!! let me tell you just how late it is. you know you've been up for awhile when your manager from work drives by your house as your outside smoking a cig, to open the store that she just closed a few hours prior. yes my friends, i got off at 10 last night and have stayed awake long enough to see my manager that closed the store at around 11:30 drive by my house to go open the store again at 7. This means that she went and and went to sleep and then got up to start a new day, all in the time that I continued to enojoy what was Sat. night. I have been up for way too long. I'm turing into matt. Speaking of matt his last post was a little before 6 in the morning so that means he too is still awake. Good for me. Matt if you read this, thanks for the comment. I realize my life is very much like a movie. from the couple late night talks we had I can see how you would think me and Cusack are much in the same boat. All I was trying to say is that in a movie things are much more easily resolved in an two hour time frame. I just wish in two hours my biggest worries could be resolved. But hey, Cusack gives me hope, much as his character of Lloyd Dobbler does. So speaking of this movie one of my top five greatest movie scenes is the scene where Lloyd (John Cusack) is hold the boom-box above his head as "in your eyes plays" in the background. This my friend is a top five movie scene. The true list is soon to come, but that is in the top three. It's late/early depending on which way you look at it. Ethier way I'm going to go to starbucks now to fuck with my manager. Fella's goodnight... ladies... goodmorning! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 27th, 2003
4:11 am	If only life where a movie! Somebody that I care about alot just recently said to me "if only life where a movie it would be that much easier." this is probly not verbatium what they said but it pretty close. But I have often found myself wishing that this where true. If only life where a movie, it would be that much easier. Think about... in the matter of two hours you are introduced to the characters. They go through some sort of life altering problem, and then its nicely summed up and gift-wrapped in a little package that makes us all feel warm and happy inside. Now I know this is not every movie so don't start thinking to yourselve's "well what movies has Shane been watching." But if you think about most the ones that you enjoy the most have some sort of conclusion to some drama that occurs. To start with, movies always make things so much easier than what they really are. Everybody magiclly has the perfect line to say in any given situation. Everything seems to fit just perfectly. In two hours we can sit and watch what may take months in our own lives, yet the characters that we love so much can go through literally years and make it out ok. And it's sad to say, but I'm one of those poor suckers that hopes my own life will turn out this way. Save the world, and get the girl. Makes for a great combination. I'm not trying to sound upset or anything, this is just something I was thinking about on my way back to lexington from louisville today. So I came back home and had to go straight to work. Now this was by my choice of course, but it would have been nice to have a little time to settle back in. What was weird, i guess, is that even being away for a week it felt like i had just left yesterday. I walked back into work and immediatly knew that I had not been gone long enough. I love my job, don't get me wrong, but it was kind of nice to not have to make a grande mocha for five days. I was just glad they had turned off the christmas cd. Ok, so here it is, what some of you may have been looking forward to hearing. At least I know Emily has been. The big conversation with "the girl." So we went out Tuesday night. It was very cool, I got to see her home and meet part of her family, including her dog whom I don't think liked me very much. We went out and had a couple drinks at B-W's. We were sitting there and we sort of got onto the topic, and she looked like she wanted to say something about it, so I just went ahead and brought it out into the open. And yes it was ackward at first, but I think we did a good job of getting through it. So the Cliffs Notes version goes like this. Basically I was more or less wrong about what I had been thinking all along. She did think that the letter was really cool. She did realize that the date I attempted to take her on was a date. Also, along with that date, I was correct in my thought about fucking up the part where I didn't immediatly get out of the car to walk her to the door. And for me the best part was, that I was right in thinking that there was something between us. Alot was said between us that night, yet nothing really went very far. But I'm totally fine with this. This is where it ends up. In this girls little world, she feels like things should happen in a specific order in her mind. So basically we ended with me saying that whenever she wants to take it further is fine with me, that my offer will still stand. And honestly its cool because I was in no huge hurry. The Unfortunate part about it all is that a certain things from my past are part of her holding back. At least this is what I could understand through the conversation. I explained my recent past as best I could to her, and I just hope that she will be able to trust me that that's the way things actually are. All in all, it was an great night. I really enjoyed being able to spend time with her, and I'm so glad I was able to talk to her about everything. This is the part that leads me to wishing things were like the movies. Cause I know that Cusack would somehow have the awnser. Kinda like a good Bruce Springstein song. But hey it's late, so I won't take up any more time for now. I'll comment more later. Also look for my next GRIEVENCE to come very soon. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 25th, 2003
2:22 am	it's x-mas eve and i've only wrapped two fu#king presents It is christmas eve, and actually i did only wrap two fucking presents... and i'll never talk to you again. one was for my mom and the other for my sis. It has been a very interesting day and an even more interesting two days. Alot happens in two days when you go without posting on the lj. I actually meant to post last night but with one computer in the house, and a sister that is more addicted to the internet than matt, it makes things difficult. I tried to stay up and wait for her to get off last night, but i feel asleep watching The Wash. It's easy to do.. trust me. So being christmas eve and all, my mom made it a point that i go and see my grandmother in the nursing home today. So she sent me and my sister over there to wish her a merry christmas. Now, this would have been an easy thing to do provided my grandmother even remember who the hell me and jenna are. Yeah, very depressing. I havent seen my grandmother since she went in there a couple months ago, but she had no clue who the fuck we were. The whole place was very depressing. All kinds of old people just hanging out in their wheel chairs not knowing that its even christmas, and if they can there still all by themselves on this wonderful holiday. I hope i never end up this way. So let me go on to the rest of my day. My grandfather and aunt came over today for dinner. This was highly amusing after my grandfather had three glasses of wine. Comes too find out that i am actually related to the mobb. Comes too find out, my great uncle mike (whom i never meet) was part of the mobb. This particular great uncle is in my dirrect line of decent. See maupin, i told you i was the fucking don. Anyway that was fun, then aparently we open all our gifts now on christmas eve so we did that while waiting to go to church. Which we went to and i got to stand in the very back of church. and when i say very back i mean not even inside the church but in the very back of the lobby. Didn't see a damn thing all night long, not even a single hand bell. Which pretty much brings me to right now. So I have more to talk about.... but I'm going to save it till later. Some really good things happened over the past two days. One being that me and the girl talked. And that's all I'll say for now. This keeps the suspense of the the lj thriving. By the way if you read this far your in for a treat. Here is my first official lj greavance. Why in the fuck did Mr. Rogers feel the need to change his damn shoes. There was no point my friend. Did he really need to put on those slip on blue vans to opperate that damn trolley. I think not. Was trolley not good enough for the metrosexual Mr. Rogers. Or was it just the old school lacosta that got her going? Peace I'm out. Merry Christmas All! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 22nd, 2003
4:31 am	Gotta Start Sometime So here it is, another band wagon bunch of b.s. i have decided to jump on. Hope your happy matt. Sorry to start my first live journal in such a negative light, but let me tell you it was a bitch just trying to get it started. First of all I am not thrilled about having my name as tke226. Don't get me wrong I still love my fraternity, but I have moved on in life. I'm trying to grow up a little. I honestly enjoy the nickname that has been applied to me as Shane O' Mac. I tried about ten different variations of this damn name and none of which worked. And yes i tried to use the underscore. Only greg and maupin can appreciate this I even tried to throw the 302 into it. But hey I'm not bitter. So I'm told that this is sapposed to be theropy for the hurting soul. So I'm going to try and give it a spin, and hey if it dosent work I'll still have Miller High Life to fall back on. Honestly I feel like matt right about now (notice the time of the post). I'm all for working shit out on paper (via a journal, or whatever) but this has always struck me as being a bit odd. I'm writing my thoughts in a journal that you are all going to read. So why don't I just tell you my thoughts is what I've always wondered about this concept of blogging. And for most of you, you all realize I have no problems telling you what I'm thinking at any given moment if you want to hear it or not. In some aspects I think that this lj is a sad way of saying what you feel while hiding behind a computer screen. This was always my problem with AIM. People say what they think/feel over AIM be it good or bad. And they do this effortlessly because they can hide behind a computer, but in the given situation they wont say shit. But I guess I have no room to talk really for two reasons. One I'm now apart of the greater good that is lj. And number two, the guy that can say anything to anybody couldn't even tell the girl he likes to her face that I like her. With that said, that pretty much brings me to my current state. Most all of you know my situation with the girl. Let me just interject something here in my own train of thought. I just said "most all of you" as if somebody that I don't know will be reading this. Second I said "the girl" like she's even going to read this. But on the .010% chance she will read it I'll leave it as that. Anyway me and this particular girl have returned to our previous state that we were in before I acted like an wanna-be Lloyd Dobler. Which mind you is great. I loved the way our realationship was going, but I wrote that damn letter to move past this. Not put my emotions out on the line, to return to the same damn place. So once again I'm stuck in a shitty place. I don't know if I should let it ride, or ask her about it. I want to ask her about, but once again I can't figure out how to bring up the conversation which is more akward now than had I just told her how I felt in the first place. Hope that made sense to all of you. So I guess I'll just have fun sitting on the fence for a little longer till I get this straight in my head. Aerosmith said it best my freind... "life's a journey, not a destination." And on that note I'll leave you all. Thanks for reading.. there will be more to come and I can promise you this. It will be one hell of a ride, so buckle up (that was so f'in gay). haha Current Music: whatever is on winamp (2 Comments |Comment on this)